三和一善 | How to win friends and influence readers

When I was young, I discovered a magic. I found that by listening patiently and remaining calm, I can turn an angry caller from an enemy to a friend in a worrying phone conversation.

It turns out that I just reinvented the wheel. One of the greatest psychologists of the 20th century discovered this trick long before I was born. His name is Dale Carnegie.

However, "How to Win Friends and Influence People"—the title itself has entered the cultural dictionary as a basis for imitations and derivative works—is still in print 85 years after its first publication. The translation has spread its information to all parts of the world. The revised edition has taken into account changing times. There is even a version called How to win friends and influence people in the digital age. How can such a widely criticized text maintain such a lasting appeal? In order to find the answer, I decided to read it-and track the original, or as close as possible, in order to better grasp the original intention of the author.

Chalk Carnegie worships another member. "How to Win Friends and Influence Others" is one of the best-selling business books of all time, because it is one of the best and most useful books you will encounter. It may be more useful today than it was in 1936. Carnegie's opinion is accurate, and his folk style is irresistible. Most importantly, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" has a profound moral core, which challenges readers to do better in business by becoming better people. Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist at New York University’s Stern School of Business, wrote: “You might think his skills are superficial and manipulative, and only suitable for sales people.” “But Carnegie is actually An outstanding moral psychologist."

Of course, how to win friends and influence people is the product of the times. The earliest version included a chapter of marriage advice, which was very advanced at the time, but not suitable for our time. Carnegie repeats it too, if it is fascinating, perhaps because, like all great communicators, he understands that unless we listen to it over and over again, nothing will sink into it.

The central idea of ​​this book is profound in its simplicity. Carnegie's assertion may be correct, and dealing with people is usually the biggest problem in business. In order to deal with people effectively, we must understand them. This means looking at things from their perspective. For this, you must talk to them about their lives and interests, and you must listen fully.

Carnegie asserted that dealing with people is usually the biggest problem in business. In order to deal with people effectively, we must understand them.

Crucially, Carnegie's book is based on a very clear concept of what humans are like. Long before the rise of behavioral economics, he noticed that people are irrational slaves to their urgent need for attention and admiration—and, contrary to popular belief then and now, they are also affected by many other factors besides money. Push. "When dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with logical animals. We are dealing with emotional creatures, which are full of prejudice and driven by pride and vanity."

However, Carnegie does not believe that people are just a means to an end. Instead, he asks us to treat them as they are and accept them on this basis. Therefore, he puts people at the center of his value system, based on the premise that people are inherently good. Because people want to believe that they are good, they are easily attracted to better angels. The warden pointed out in a letter to Carnegie: “There are very few criminals in the new prison who think they are bad guys.” “They are as humane as you and me. So they are rationalized.”

One of the most surprising aspects of this book is how much it demands of us. Carnegie has repeatedly asked us not to judge when dealing with others, to understand and restrain, to put aside our narrow problems and interests, and to truly be interested in our fellow citizens by going beyond our own interests. Ordinary location. He also insists on the prevailing cognitive humility-the possibility that you may be wrong is very high, and whenever someone points out to you, you should admit it quickly and happily. "I hardly believe anything I believed twenty years ago now," he said, "except for the multiplication table."

There is a radical belief from beginning to end that you'd better leave the troubles to yourself, because almost no one really cares about them. In addition, being interested in the troubles of others may be the most effective way to counteract yourself.

Anyone in charge of managers should read this book twice. One of its most interesting points (expressed implicitly throughout) is that relationships and success are based on trust. Believe that your subordinates will tell you what they can accomplish, and you will be surprised that they work hard to achieve their ambitions.

In addition, the days of authoritarian managers have passed. In a free and affluent society, executives will increasingly find themselves dependent on a complex combination of highly educated and self-centered workers and consumers. If Carnegie's insights were valid in the 1930s, they may be more valid today.